Kali in the form of a virus

It’s that time again. I caught a virus.
Carlos – my partner – brought it back from his travel to Spain, together with a story of sadness, remembrance and letting go.
It’s a story I would like to tell you today – since I have nothing else to do anyway.
Why? Because it is also an Ayurvedic Story about Kali and the wonderful Intelligence of the body. So, make yourself a cup of tea and snuggle up.

Once upon a time, there was a little Spanish boy. He was sensitive and kind and creative and he didn’t speak any other languages but his own, but he was dragged away from his home to live in a cold and snowy place, where people only spoke German. There, he was ostracised and bullied and felt terribly alone, so his parents sent him back to Spain, to live with his uncle. But some time later, just as he was feeling comfortable and safe, he was once again taken away to live in the cold and snowy place. This time, he stayed for good. He faced the bullies and made a group of Spanish friends who were just like him. He learned the German language even though it was quite difficult and he grew up like everyone else, except that he had left a part of his soul in Spain.

Even his parents must have felt the same because as soon as the little boy was old enough to live by himself, they moved back to live in Spain. The little boy, who was of course grown up by now, began to travel back and forth for the rest of his life and each time he did, he felt a longing in his chest – he wanted to belong. It didn’t even matter anymore to which of the two places, he just wanted to belong but each time he found out that he did not.

Then, one day, his mother died and left behind a great sense of grief inside his chest. Not long after, his father died too and left behind a sense of anger and of blame. For years, he didn’t touch his parents things, left everything in their apartment in its place. Even his father’s shoes stood side by side in the hallway, ready to be worn and walked. His mother’s clothes, her kitchen pots and pans, the photographs she left up on the wall – it all stayed untouched until a layer of grime and dust appeared in which some wandering ghosts of the past got stuck. Hundreds of them began to live in these sticky layers and in the air and on the wardrobes and under the bed. They lamented and told and sang their stories of suffering to everyone who stayed. They crept inside the dreams and thoughts of visitors until they started to believe the suffering of the ghosts to be their own. Even salt and incense and burning candles could not get rid of them.

So one day, the boy, a grey haired man by now with a long life behind him, decided to finally free the ghosts. He decided to forgive his father and let go of his own guilt. He even decided to let go of his greatest fear – the fear of losing his soul, that he had left behind in Spain so long ago.
And with the fear he stirred up a sense of long forgotten grief. It crystalized and manifested there, where fear always likes to be: inside of his chest. It weakened him and so the Goddess Kali came and took the form of a small virus, to lodge herself into the crevices of his lungs, ready to wreak havoc and destroy the old to make space for the new.

Without realising it, he carried Kali home with him, in an aeroplane across the sky and over lakes and rivers, and she raged inside him until the grief in his chest was churned into little buttery lumps.
His body, knowing exactly what to do to protect the soul, now convulses and coughs these lumps up, freeing itself of the toxic manifestation of fear and grief.

His heart and lungs are fighting back against old ghosts of the past, and when he finally lets go for real, his chest will be light and spacious again, with enough room for his soul that he left behind so long ago, to move back in.

Yes, it is indeed a big decision he has made, one that carries the weight of generations of memories, the suffering of many which is now being released. It is a heavy process, as viscous as mucus stuck in tiny alveolar crevices, but it is necessary, just as all processes of decision, separation and letting go are necessary.
We often recognise them by the state of our chest.

As always, we can trust our body completely – and support it in every possible way.
Ayurveda gives us many ways to do this:
Ama – the old, undigested Kapha, the mucus that has become toxic – must be expelled. Not only do tried and tested herbs such as thyme, ivy and ginger, or Ayurvedic herbal mixtures such as Hingwastaka (one of my favourite remedies for many Vata and Kapha disorders) help with this, but also emotional counselling. Especially in times of persistent bronchitis or other respiratory diseases, one should take advantage of this natural detoxification and talk, write, paint or whatever helps to become aware of the inner processes that have to do with clearing out our Anahata Chakra.

The Vata aspect – the emotional upheaval of the process, the trauma of transformation, the fear, the grief of the past and also the cough itself that drives Uddana Vayu, all need some quiet time to balance, a phase of incubation and stillness, as well as plenty of warm liquids, tea, warm water, soups and stews that counteract the dryness of Vata.
Ginger, tulsi, thyme, black pepper, cloves, cinnamon and golden turmeric milk calm all of the vayus and help relax the lungs. Warm sesame oil massaged on the chest, perhaps with a few drops of eucalyptus for deep breaths, or rhizinus oil, for softening and better release.

As far as possible avoid suppressive cough syrups that prevent the body from doing its vital work. These kind of medicines are only good for some emergencies – when lack of sleep overshadows other problems or special circumstances force us to function anyway – and only in emergencies, never out of convenience, because the consequences are – at least partially – a failure to fulfil the actual purpose of the illness.

From an Ayurvedic point of view, it is a wonderful opportunity to free the body-mind organism from a whole host of old toxins – not only the physical, but also the emotional.

It is also an important opportunity for the immune system to strengthen itself, to create a new order within itself, to tidy up and to remove forever all of the old foreign bodies that have accumulated over time from the lungs and from the whole are of our heart chakra, the anahata, the chakra of air.

It is an opportunity to lighten and clear our emotions, especially if we take the time to practise mindfulness and consciously process our feelings. Whilst lying in bed or on the couch to rest, we could perhaps, instead of watching Netflix, spend time writing, drawing, talking, meditating, laying tarot cards or using other methods to reflect and become aware of what is stuck inside us so that we can better let it go, cough it up like old phlegm. And then we can emerge stronger and clearer again, into a new phase of our lives in which a new layer of our being is revealed and a new milestone in our journey has been reached.

According to Ayurveda, it is not just about taking herbs to rid ourselves of the annoying symptoms. It’s about looking far beyond the symptoms, listening to and trusting the body and taking every opportunity to grow, heal and become aware.

I’m not surprised that Carlos is slower to recover than me, that his cough is harder and his phlegm tougher. I am not surprised that for him the suffering of the disease is greater – not just because he is a man, but because at this moment in time, his lungs contain more grief than mine, because there is more at stake for him than there is for me. I’m not surprised that for him, this is much more than an immune cell training camp, a spring clean for the body. It’s a real challenge, a heroic deed – an exercise in letting go. Even though I still have grief in my chest too – for Ireland, for my children, for my friends, for my past. We all carry some grief within us and we all have to cough it up sometimes.

And so I lie in bed, drinking ginger tea, writing and talking to my girlfriend on the phone and reflecting. I try not to feel guilty or ashamed for letting people down and cancelling classes, but to be grateful for this opportunity and proud to have a body like this, a body that protects my soul and fights for it – for me – as unconditionally as Kali.

To learn more about Ayurveda, please go to https://sandrahayes.de/ayurveda/

On this page you can find my Ayurveda podcast https://sandrahayes.de

Here you can order my book “Radical Self-Love – Health from the Ayurvedic Perspective“.

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